Lemme ‘splain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up. (Thanks, Inigo Montoya)

The last month has been filled with a series of sort of fine, not really very exciting dates. There was the guy who had a Master’s degree and worked retail. There was the guy who worked weird hours for the cable company. There was the guy who was nice. So nice. But no sparks. There was a cup of coffee or two with one-timers. That’s what’s been going on since I left you.

The 32 Most Iconic Eye Rolls Of All Time

I think the problem is that nobody has really been able to make me laugh. I, of course, am charming and funny and witty and smart. And so I have been adding to my list of (not at all unreasonable) requirements.

  • He must have a job. And I guess I really mean that at this point. I would have at one time said have a job or be in school. No more. Job. That pays real American dollars.
  • He must have a car. I hate myself a little for saying it. He doesn’t have to drive it much, just have it available for weekend road trips and the like. I just went out with someone who doesn’t have one, and only then did I realize it was important to me.
  • Related to the above: willing to buy me a glass of wine. Or even, gasp, dinner, on occasion.
  • Must have a sense of humor. That means he not only laughs at my jokes, but is also funny. And charming and witty and smart.

I do not feel as if this is too much to ask. The fairy tale is on the other side of the ocean, so it’s back to the drawing board here in the real world.

The Nordmann

So I was cruising tinder and saw this guy. His name was very Norwegian, and when I opened his profile, I saw his tagline was in Norwegian. And he was wearing a Norwegian military uniform in one of the photos. I swiped right and we were a match! I sent him a quick note in Norwegian and woke up to a response the next morning. That was Thursday. Learned that he was here only in Minnesota for a few more days on a military exchange. We proceeded to text back and forth all weekend. It was lovely. Especially all the parts where he told me how beautiful I was.

Swoon

Friday night, I suggested it might be nice for us to meet when he made it to Minneapolis. He thought that sounded nice, too. They were all going to the baseball game Monday night, so I thought maybe we could meet prior to that – I had plans for us to sit outside and drink beer. Maybe go for a walk. And see if maybe I should go to the game, too. But. The people in charge of his program brought them to the mall. Ugh.

I suggested I could cut out of work and meet him around 3. At Starbucks. At the mall. For an hour. His bus was supposed to leave around 4:30. So that’s what I did. We sat at Starbucks for an hour and talked. Walked out to the parking ramp. I surprised him a bit by kissing him. Or at least that’s what he said when he sent me a facebook message within moments of my leaving. This is pretty much what he looked like (but without the hair or beard):

We met outside the baseball stadium later that evening. This time we had about 3 hours together. We caught a cab. Went to my house for a bit… Then we popped by the bar where S and S and G were hanging out to split a beer before we had to get him back to the stadium. A few kisses and a few grainy selfies later and I was walking away. While he stood and watched me go. It was all very romantic. And now he’s gone.

Of course, this date would not have gone this way had it not been for the fact that we only had a few hours together. I would never cut out of work in the middle of the day for a mall starbucks date (duh). Nor would I go retrieve someone from a baseball game and take him home with me on a first date (although I guess technically it was our second date?).

The whole thing – from first few texts to dropping him off and selfies – was pretty unbelievable. And who cares if it’s cheesy – it was kind of magical. It all feels a little bit like a dreamy gauzy fairy tale. The happy ending can be one last, great kiss before the prince is gone forever, right?

kiss animated GIF