Oh yeah. I have a blog.

I’ve been dating.

And not dating.

It’s been fine. But aside from a disappointing end to a short-lived but intense month-long romance, it’s been a lot of first dates that go nowhere.

Signed up for match.com in January. Paid my money. It’s pretty much been a disaster. Mostly 50-something year old creepers. Or younger creepers. Mostly creepers, though.

dance animated GIF

I have been going on a fair number of first dates, though (mostly through Tinder). And exchanging messages with men I never actually meet. It’s getting to the point now where I’m struggling a bit to remember who’s who. I’ve almost called my current possibility by the wrong name more than once. I keep wanting to call him Paul. His name is Brian. Oh my God, I just had to think about it.

  • So, Brian and I went for happy hour drinks on Wednesday. It was fun. He had a lot of teeth. But I think I’ll probably be able to get past that. I didn’t get the feeling that he was that into it, but I got a message from him last night and we’re going out again tomorrow night. Dinner and a movie.
  • Went out with tinder James last week. Turns out he’s one month out of a 6-year live-in relationship. The date was a blast. But, for obvious reasons, hell no. He’d be super fun to hang out with at a ballgame or some such, but not hot enough to be a FWB. Cute guy, but in a ‘this is my boyfriend’ kind of way. Damn.
  • There was also tinder somebody… Can’t remember his name. Anyway. He was fine. But no spark and he had sausage fingers. Like really baseball mitt-like hands. So, he was a pass.

Anyway, next up for a second date is Brian. 42. Divorced dad. Not sure on the specifics yet, so can’t comment on whether he’s too recently out of his marriage. In my experience, though, people who are too recently out of a relationship tend to talk about it more, even on the first date. He didn’t say too much about it outside the practical, which makes me think he’s probably ready. I don’t know. But how bad could dinner and a movie be, right?

funny animated GIF

Advertisements

History repeats itself

I’ve been on a couple of dates with a new guy. Connected on Tinder last week, met for a beer on Saturday, went out again last night. After two dates, I really like him. We have a lot in common and laugh and have an all-around good time.

 

However, there are some red, or maybe pink flags, I think. The concerns, briefly:

  • He’s divorced – within the last year or two. I’ve been down this road before – with E. In fact it was right around this time last year. Current guy, B, was married for 11 years and it sounds like the marriage was over about a year and a half ago. Am I up for this? I have been the rebound, re-learn how to date girl before. Which seems great until you get dumped by someone who isn’t ready for anything serious. After E, I decided I wasn’t interested in playing that role anymore. But I don’t know enough about B yet to know what his intentions are and what he’s thinking. He also has partial custody of his two kids. It seems like he has a pretty good relationship with the ex. I am totally open to being with someone with kids. But is B ready to date?
  • He hasn’t paid for a date yet. This is another thing I said I wouldn’t do again after J this fall. So far, though, we’ve had a pretty even split – I’ll get this, you get that kind of thing. Still, even if you’re not going to spring for date one, by date two aren’t you going to buy me a beer?
  • He seems a bit flaky. We had tentative plans for last night. I finally had to text him yesterday morning to find out if we were on. He said he had figured out the childcare situation, so yes! And suggested we connect in the afternoon regarding concrete plans. I finally texted him at 6:45 to see what he was thinking. Annoying. 

Here’s the thing, though. He makes me laugh. I make him laugh. He loves sports and is smart (this combo is way harder to find than you might think). He even likes theater and live music. And after the first date he was pretty clearly into me. So we made another date.

Which takes us to last night. After the annoying communication hiccup, he came to pick me up (at my request) and we shot downtown. Had a drink, laughed, bought Wolves tickets on the street, went to the game and laughed some more. But we never quite hit a second date stride. I kept waiting for a touch or a comment or something to make me believe that he was interested in me in a way that was more than just sports buddy. It never really happened. He drove me home (we walked to the car without so much as a hand hold or a arm link), he dropped me off. There was a short-ish kiss. He made a vague mention of talking soon. Seems like the ol’ brush off.

Throwing caution to the wind, I texted him a quick thanks and good night, he responded in kind. I sort of think that was perhaps the beginning and the end of B. I also think that maybe 2015 is a year that I’m going to take some more risks. I saw somewhere that I should just assume he likes me until he lets me know otherwise. I don’t really know what he’s thinking. So I’m going to do the opposite of my instincts and assume that he likes me for now. I will contact him again and see what happens. Maybe we’ll go out again, maybe not.

I’ve got that match.com membership waiting for me to pull the trigger, just in case.

Single as Fuck

I’m not gonna lie. Things are pretty rough over here at DIAD. Here’s the latest:

Went on that date last Tuesday night with South Dakota guy. He wasn’t terrible and we had several things in common and plenty to talk about. The problems:

  • He was clearly not that into me. He must have decided this the second he saw me, because within minutes of meeting, every time I started talking his eyes would wander over my shoulder to the hockey game. He did not try to hide this. In fact, he would regularly interrupt me to comment on the game.
  • I decided I didn’t really like him. I mean, honestly, man. Get it together. You can’t spend one hour pretending to listen to my fascinating tales? And when he was talking, he wasn’t really very interesting, either, but at least I know how to behave like an actual person.
  • I had sent him the first email, but he was the one to suggest we meet for a beer. Bill comes. I reach for my wallet – no objection from SoDak. He pulls out his card. We split the bill in half. It was for about $19. I feel like if you’re gonna ask me out, you’re gonna cover it – especially if it is for under $20.

Rude Tina Fey animated GIF

The evening ended with a quick hug and a ‘talk to you soon’. Which means: never again. Obviously.

Thinking about adding to my already somewhat tenuous grip on my sanity by adding a match.com subscription in January. It’s not exactly cheap, but hoping that might help me weed out the cheap, flighty guys? Yet to be decided but in the meantime,

Aggressively online

Never heard anything from Dimples again. So, I guess that’s that.

Bye Clarissa Explains It All animated GIF

I realized that when I’m in the will-he-or-won’t-he-call stage, I start aggressively online dating. I tinder, ok, re-add POF, etc. Emailed a couple of guys on POF last week while in the throes of overcompensating for the lack of interest from Dimples. Tinder conversations have been begun and abandoned and email threads have started and stopped. The urgency wears off a bit when it becomes clear that the guy I’m waiting for just isn’t that into me.

One guy didn’t seem so bad. He really likes baseball and karaoke. Pretty sure it’s fate. So I emailed him. And he responded. So we have a date for tonight. I think that overall he’s less nerdy than some of the guys I’ve found myself on dates with lately. He’s good looking from what I can tell. And from Dakota. I usually like that. So I’m reserving judgment on a grammar situation until after I meet him. I think I place too much importance on writing style, anyway, and that’s how I keep ending up going out with these guys that I have no chemistry with in person.

Dork Lafawnduh animated GIF

It’ll probably be a Disaster. But I’m going anyway.

Here we are again

Entered the super fun part of dating someone new. Will he call? Or, rather, will he text?

Dimples and I went out Sunday night. I prompted it when I sent him a vodka-fueled message on Friday asking when I’d see him again. Anyway, we texted daily in between, and then met for coffee on Sunday evening, before going to dinner.

Dinner was nice. Though I choked a little bit on a piece of spaghetti and so that was attractive. Snot and spaghetti bits. You know. Glamour. Anyway, I had a pretty good time. Then he drove me around the block to my house. Kissed a bit. Then I mentioned doing it again soon. He said “probably not during the week this week. I’m really busy.” Oh. Ok. So.

Got a text from him when he got home (yay!), and I sent one back. There’s been a little back and forth, but nothing yesterday. So he’s not that into me, right? All this, and I’m not even sure if I’m that into him. Erg. It’s been a while since I’ve been in this situation (E, maybe? last year?) that I kind of like a guy and want to see what happens. I forget about this part that’s all wait-and-see and will-we-or-won’t-we?

So I just googled it. After a great deal of research on high-quality sites such as cosmo.com and thoughtcatalog, I have come to the conclusion that maybe he likes me, or maybe he doesn’t like me. He’s found someone else, or he’s shy. It could be anything or nothing. So I guess I just hang out for a bit and see what happens.

All this to say, we’ll see if I hear from him again. Might send out another little “hey how’s it going” tonight and see what happens, but otherwise, moving on.

Hey there, handsome

Went on another date last night. I was pretty excited about this one. Dimples. Pretty cute from what I could tell from Tinder. Texted for a bit, then I suggested we grab a drink. I’m not doing any more text for weeks only to go out with someone with a lisp and BO.

We met last night. He won points by being at the bar 10 minutes early. Then I walked in, and he was very dreamy. So cute. Ugh. So we drank wine. I talked too much. Drank more wine. I talked even more. I did a whole lesson on Norwegian geography. Seriously.

Anne Hathaway Shut Up animated GIF

But apparently that wasn’t enough to make him run away, so we had yet another glass of wine. I went to the bathroom. He paid for everything. Which I totally didn’t get until I asked for our tab and he said there wasn’t one, and I was like, ‘there for sure is – we just had 6 glasses of wine.’ And he was all ‘I know, I paid for them already.’ And then I was all embarrassed because I’m totally not that girl that goes to the bathroom so that her date pays. Except I guess now I am. And he got even more points.

We went outside and I said that I had a really good time, and that it was a totally not-terrible first date. Yikes. But he laughed and agreed. And then we did that weird are we going to hug? kiss? thing. We hugged. Then I just went for it. I said something like ‘I’m just going to kiss you now.’ Because I’m super smooth.

I texted him to thank him when I got home. He texted me back and said he had a great time, too. Then I got another one this morning. Saying he hoped I’d made it up and into work ok. And to have a great day. I think I like this one

I might have been a little drunk

Oops. Prior to my late-afternoon date on Saturday with the robot-guy, I watched the Gopher football game. And maybe had a couple of screwdrivers. I was a little toasty already when I met up with robot-guy. It wasn’t even dark yet. So classy.

Alcohol Drink animated GIF

In any case, he was as nerdy as expected and I told him I’d go out with him again, but think maybe not. We’ll see if he even calls. Though he did send a text shortly after thanking me and stuff. You know, making me feel even more terrible for not caring enough about this date to slow down on the bloody marys during the football game. I really don’t think it was that bad. I was probably just the same amount of talking too much as I am on any other first date. Just a little less coherent, perhaps…

Still a disaster

And still dating. Actually have only been on about 3-4 dates in the last couple of months, I think. It became less fun for a while, particularly since most of these first dates are total snoozers.

Bored Nicki Minaj animated GIF

There was one notable exception. Shortly after my last post, J messaged me on OKCupid and he seemed pretty great. Job, apartment, car, the works. We dated for about 6 weeks. We spent quite a lot of time at his air-conditioned apartment, because it was hot and August-y. Eventually, however, it was revealed that he really didn’t ever want to go anywhere. He didn’t really seem to have any friends, either. I should have been more in tune with the fact that I didn’t really like this guy all that much (he was also pretty cheap), but I was ignoring all that. Perhaps because of the job, apartment, car stuff?… Then he called me one Saturday morning about an hour after he dropped me off and dumped me. The end. Except for the fact that he keeps texting me every few weeks. Mostly to make himself feel better for dumping me over the phone, I think.

Annoyed Annoyed Gif animated GIF

So. I recently got back in the game after mindlessly checking Tinder and OK for a few weeks, but never really responding to anyone.

I got a not-terrible message from a guy on OK seemed not-too-terrible, so we exchanged emails and will grab a drink on Saturday afternoon. He builds robots. Obviously a super-nerd, but funny and cute enough to get a shot. Robots. For real. I just hope they can dance.

Art & Design Dancing animated GIF

And I’ve been tindering with this other guy. Writing a lot. Not asking me out. I finally pulled the trigger this morning and asked if we were ever going to have a drink together. He said that sounded great. So we’re talking about maybe a drink Monday or Tuesday.

So I’m back in it. Back on the ol’ horse. Here’s to more of this awkward moment at beginning and end of each one:

Awkward Handshake animated GIF

Lemme ‘splain.

No, there is too much. Let me sum up. (Thanks, Inigo Montoya)

The last month has been filled with a series of sort of fine, not really very exciting dates. There was the guy who had a Master’s degree and worked retail. There was the guy who worked weird hours for the cable company. There was the guy who was nice. So nice. But no sparks. There was a cup of coffee or two with one-timers. That’s what’s been going on since I left you.

The 32 Most Iconic Eye Rolls Of All Time

I think the problem is that nobody has really been able to make me laugh. I, of course, am charming and funny and witty and smart. And so I have been adding to my list of (not at all unreasonable) requirements.

  • He must have a job. And I guess I really mean that at this point. I would have at one time said have a job or be in school. No more. Job. That pays real American dollars.
  • He must have a car. I hate myself a little for saying it. He doesn’t have to drive it much, just have it available for weekend road trips and the like. I just went out with someone who doesn’t have one, and only then did I realize it was important to me.
  • Related to the above: willing to buy me a glass of wine. Or even, gasp, dinner, on occasion.
  • Must have a sense of humor. That means he not only laughs at my jokes, but is also funny. And charming and witty and smart.

I do not feel as if this is too much to ask. The fairy tale is on the other side of the ocean, so it’s back to the drawing board here in the real world.

The Nordmann

So I was cruising tinder and saw this guy. His name was very Norwegian, and when I opened his profile, I saw his tagline was in Norwegian. And he was wearing a Norwegian military uniform in one of the photos. I swiped right and we were a match! I sent him a quick note in Norwegian and woke up to a response the next morning. That was Thursday. Learned that he was here only in Minnesota for a few more days on a military exchange. We proceeded to text back and forth all weekend. It was lovely. Especially all the parts where he told me how beautiful I was.

Swoon

Friday night, I suggested it might be nice for us to meet when he made it to Minneapolis. He thought that sounded nice, too. They were all going to the baseball game Monday night, so I thought maybe we could meet prior to that – I had plans for us to sit outside and drink beer. Maybe go for a walk. And see if maybe I should go to the game, too. But. The people in charge of his program brought them to the mall. Ugh.

I suggested I could cut out of work and meet him around 3. At Starbucks. At the mall. For an hour. His bus was supposed to leave around 4:30. So that’s what I did. We sat at Starbucks for an hour and talked. Walked out to the parking ramp. I surprised him a bit by kissing him. Or at least that’s what he said when he sent me a facebook message within moments of my leaving. This is pretty much what he looked like (but without the hair or beard):

We met outside the baseball stadium later that evening. This time we had about 3 hours together. We caught a cab. Went to my house for a bit… Then we popped by the bar where S and S and G were hanging out to split a beer before we had to get him back to the stadium. A few kisses and a few grainy selfies later and I was walking away. While he stood and watched me go. It was all very romantic. And now he’s gone.

Of course, this date would not have gone this way had it not been for the fact that we only had a few hours together. I would never cut out of work in the middle of the day for a mall starbucks date (duh). Nor would I go retrieve someone from a baseball game and take him home with me on a first date (although I guess technically it was our second date?).

The whole thing – from first few texts to dropping him off and selfies – was pretty unbelievable. And who cares if it’s cheesy – it was kind of magical. It all feels a little bit like a dreamy gauzy fairy tale. The happy ending can be one last, great kiss before the prince is gone forever, right?

kiss animated GIF