It’s a Numbers Game

I was out with my friend S the other day. And something weird happened. I was texting this guy. From the Cupid. We had gone back and forth a bit, then he asked what my next few days looked like. I mentioned that I had plans the next night (Thursday), but had some time this weekend. He then barely responded, and I could actually hear the pout through the text message. I told him to let me know when he was free and we could figure something out. Nothing. Dead air. Ok, buddy. If this is how you do life, then we probably weren’t going to work out anyway.

But I was disappointed, I think partly because he was really my only fish on the line at that point. I vowed to start emailing some of these guys that have been sitting in my increasingly long list of favorites on the Cupid. So far, I’ve had 2 responses to my 5 emails sent. Pretty good. One of these has since proven himself to be fairly humorless, so I think he might be out, but there is some promise with the other, maybe (though I’ve also resolved to stop counting chickens until they’re sitting across from me at a bar or coffee shop).

I am going to take S’s advice to heart, though, and work on sending 3 emails per day. Here’s what counts: a new email to someone I haven’t communicated with before or a response to someone who contacted me, who I’d like to continue talking to. Here’s what doesn’t: thanks-but-no-thanks notes (where a nice guy has emailed me, but I’m not into him). So far, I’m not keeping up very well, but it’s been fun and low-pressure. Which is how it should be, I think.


And… we’re 0 for 2

Last week I ran into this boy I had a huge crush on growing up. Huge. We ended up chatting, exchanging numbers, talking about going for patio drinks. Then, nothing. I finally sent him a quick text last night for encouragement. Got back a very noncommittal I’m busy, but maybe another time type of response. So. We’re moving on. It’s just too bad, because 12 year old me was so excited. Which is probably a sign that it likely isn’t an appropriate match for 34 year old me.

I don’t know what it is, exactly, but maybe it’s because spring is here, I’m really into the idea of going on dates. And ready to play the numbers game a bit. I just signed up for (gasp) a new dating site. I’m hoping that this one provides a bit less crazy and a bit more reality. I think I’ve been avoiding it because it seems too ‘serious’ for me. But now that I’m in, I can see where it’s probably right up my alley. So low pressure to start – I think I sent the same list of questions to 7 or 8 guys. This means that I don’t really remember who’s who, and don’t really care too much for now… 

May starts tomorrow. I am going to call that the official start. To what, I’m not entirely sure. But a new start for something. Spring’s a good time for that, I think.

I’m back, baby

Saturday. SW (roomie and sister) had a birthday. It involved margaritas at our house and karaoke at a local establishment. That’s where we met J. He was very attractive indeed. I was pretty toasty, but SW was toastier and needed to go home. I stayed and talked to J and J’s gay best friend, also J. The night was winding down, so of course I invited them all over to my house, along with my friend K. J drove us all there. I turned on some show on Netflix for K and also J.  

Yada, yada, yada, J was late to Easter. Oops. I gave him my number, but we’ll see if I hear anything. I do kind of hope he calls. 

I realized, though, how kind of icky it really felt when E would leave halfway through the night. Or at 5 AM. In three months, the only time we spent a whole night together was when I stayed at his place. So, new on the list – I am interested in guys that are able to and want to spend the night. Wake up with me. Get up and hang out for a bit. Have a cup of coffee without being weird. Seems reasonable, yes?

You’re Welcome?

So, E and I broke up. Do you even call it that when you’re not officially dating? I don’t know. In any case it’s done. 

I went over to his new (old) house last Wednesday. I could kind of tell it was coming by the way he was acting, but we sat and chatted for quite a long time about nothing. He did finally reveal that his 19 year old stepson was still living in the house. So… yeah… Anyway, he finally said that he thought we should talk about ‘where this was going’, which was obviously nowhere. Said he ‘wasn’t ready for anything serious’ and that the past few weeks had taken a lot out of him. I told him I wasn’t surprised, it wasn’t a big deal, and no, it wasn’t going to be weird to run into each other at a backyard bbq or whatever. He said that I had been ‘really good for him’ and essentially thanked me for being his rebound. Umm… sure… you’re welcome, I guess…

So, I got outta there, had a glass of wine at the local, and a few minutes of sad. The whole thing was not meant to be – I mean I wasn’t even that sad when it was over. 

Now I’m back on the Cupid. Nothing yet, but I’m not really looking too hard yet, either. I’m sure there are plenty of disasters awaiting. And I should be back to more consistent updates on my misadventures. 

What’s Going On?

Something feels weird with E, I think. I’m feeling a little distance, and I’m not entirely sure what that’s about. I can’t even point to anything specific, it’s just kind of a feeling that something isn’t quite right… We went out for dinner on Saturday (the first time I’d seen him since surgery), and then to his house to watch a movie. I stayed over. It was all fine, but felt a little strange. I attributed it to the surgery and him still being in some pain, but it also still felt like something more than that.

We went to watch basketball for an hour or two yesterday, before he had to go into work late. We talked and laughed and kissed in the car. We did not make a plan for the next time we’d hang out, but he did mention something about later this week… I still feel like something is off.

I’m giving it another week or two before I do anything about it. I’m hoping that once he’s back in his house and his back is feeling better things will even out a bit. Or not. This last week and a half have been strange. I’m really not sure how I feel about it all, which is why I haven’t written in so long. For now, just a holding pattern…


I feel like this is big news, but I’m not that jazzed about writing about it, because it ended up being not that big a deal. I met the kid. On Saturday night. I didn’t know I was going to meet her. Got a text from E saying that they were just going to be hanging out, and if I wanted to meet her, I could come over around 7. If not, after 8. 

I got a minor case of the panics. But was able to calm myself and shoot off a couple of texts to find out what to do. Then S came home, so she was there to proof my response. Which was that I’d love to meet her and I’d see them around 7. AAAACK!!!

Wow, I’m old. I typed that AAAACK!!! and immediately thought of the old comic ‘Cathy’. Which is extra terrifying, because, oh my god, I think I am her. I just googled it. And now I’m Cathy: 34-something year old, never-married, always-dieting, career-woman cliche. This is terrible.

Moving on. I have never been so nervous to meet a six year old. But I got there, and E came down to let me in. Told me that she was working on making up a game for us to play. A round of the made-up game, one Uno and an Old Maid (ugh) later, and it was time for bed. She showed me her room and some of her artwork.

Then we had adult time with wine. It was a lovely evening.


It was good. And super-laid back and not a big deal. Which was perfect. It seems like it should be such a big deal and a major milestone, but it just sort of happened. Quietly. That’s something that I’m really appreciating more and more about E. Nothing has needed to be a big production. It’s moving forward, but there isn’t a lot of fanfare or production. It’s easy. There are so many things that should make this too difficult, but it’s just not. 

E has surgery tomorrow. I am not sure when I’ll see him next. I told him I would need some confirmation that he’s ok post-procedure. We’ll go from there.

Maybe I didn’t need that 4th glass of wine

Saturday night was fun. For me. I had 3 gins at the bar while watching basketball prior to L’s party. Then we went to L’s party and I drank all the wine. And a margarita. I also ate chips. Like, just chips. I sort of forgot about eating anything real since I was busy drinking all the booze. E had only 2 beers over the course of the entire evening and essentially became my chauffeur. I think I read somewhere that men find hungry, sloppy drunk women in their mid-30’s especially attractive. That’s been my experience anyway.

E’s having a small health issue and will have minor surgery next week (he’s totally going to be fine – no big deal, but you know, still surgery). He’s in pain and it makes it difficult for him to sleep. So he left in the wee hours and was very apologetic. I just asked him to confirm that I don’t need to have a complex about it. He said he’d call but I didn’t hear from him Sunday. Or Monday. And I was all zen and not crazy about it. Very unlike me. What the hell.

I got a text last night with him apologizing for being out of touch. That he’s been stressed and hopes I understand. But that he’d like to see me and what was my schedule like? I told him I was glad to hear from him and not to worry, I know he has a lot going on. And that I’m pretty open the rest of the week. And I actually meant it. I know. Who is this person and what has she done with the real me?

He asked if it was ok if he let me know tomorrow (now today), as he is working on a babysitter situation for Friday or Saturday. Um, yeah, that sounds spectacular. I thought we’d be hanging on your couch watching netflix after bedtime, so by all means, plan a real date and let me know.

What I’m mostly confused about is how relaxed I am about all of this. Why am I not in a tizzy wondering what it all means? Why am I not freaking out about why he didn’t call and will he ever or does he even like me I don’t know but it’s probably fine and on and on?… Maybe there are so many red flags here I should worry about. He has so much going on. But he still wants me on the list. I know I’m not at the top and I shouldn’t be. So I’m giving it some space. And not pretend space where I tell myself everything cool while I’m really just obsessing about why I’m not getting a text message. I’m just, like, really not worrying. It feels a little weird, to be honest. I’m leaving the crazy behind for now and trusting that things will work out. It’s pretty nice here, actually.

Yada Yada Yada

The blog’s kinda boring right now. I know. Things are going pretty well with E, which doesn’t leave a lot of room for tragic first dates. So I’m not really that sorry.

We had drinks on Tuesday after my class and then hung out at my house for a bit. Yada, yada, yada… We have plans to go to a party on Saturday night for a friend’s birthday.

I found this article last week and it was just what I needed when I was in the throes of being anxious about not hearing from E. It sort of confirmed what I was feeling was probably happening. I had gotten a little caught up in Rules-y thinking. Dumb. I can tell that this is working, for now, and for what it is, so I’m just choosing to relax.

The last couple of times we’ve hung out, E’s been talking pretty freely in terms of things we’ll do together in the future (relax, like, a few weeks down the road future, not anything creepy). I’m happy. Which feels especially lovely since exactly a year ago, I was a total disaster following a really terrible breakup. Which is a story for another day. Today, Happy.

He got soda

I called E on Friday night.

We decided that we’d play the weekend by ear. We were both invited to a party for mutual friends on Saturday night, but I had already made plans to go out of town. Then we got mega-snow and the roads were terrible, so I was thinking I might not go to the cabin in the woods. So, he suggested that if I didn’t go north, we could see one another at the party. Where he was going with his daughter. Eek! I for sure wasn’t ready for that. I am often kind of awkward and weird at parties in general. It would only be worse to add on meeting E’s kid for the first time. I’m just not ready for that.

Then he said maybe could come over to his place after bedtime on Sunday. This seemed like a much better option, as far as I was concerned. Avoidance is often the best strategy, I find. I told him I’d let him know my plan on Saturday – one way or the other.

Saturday came and I texted him that I wasn’t going to make the party, but would still love to come over on Sunday night. He said that would be great.

So. Last night I went over to his house. It was kind of like a kid explosion meets bachelor pad. Kind of sweet, actually. We hung out for a couple of hours. It was lovely, if a little weird to me that the kid was just a closed door away as we were making out on the couch… I guess I just need to take his lead here. I have no idea what I’m doing. I do feel confident now, though, that he’s into me. He told me that last Saturday was a bright spot in an otherwise not so great weekend. And that he had been excited/nervous for me to come over last night. Oh, and he bought me soda water. In case I wanted a vodka.

I just need to remember that he has a lot going on. No more taking it personally when I don’t hear anything for a few days. We do already have a plan to meet tomorrow night, and then I asked him to come with me to a party next weekend. I think things are moving forward. Which is kind of good-scary. Mostly good.